I always care too much.

I don’t feel like this.

Perhaps “Fuck Off” is too kind.

The wooden house, the pink tricycle, the older brothers, the sunshine, the heat, the braces, the fighting, the divorce, the drinking, the drugs, the adultery, the loneliness, the reading, the writing, the running, the insomnia, the recluse, the escape, the first day, the first kiss, the first time, the long summer nights, the endless lazy days, the rebellions, the angst, the secrets, the mistakes, the first freedom, the constant brokenness, the cigarettes, the whiskey, the illicit affairs, the punk-rock shows, the piercings, the tattoos, the purple hair, the pink hair, the blue hair, the green hair, the blonde hair, the midnight drives, the sleeping anywhere, the sleeping through class, the unplanned road trips, the reckless abandon, the impulsive apathy, the consequential disregard, the waiting, the wishing, the trying, the choosing, the regretting, the accepting, the graduating, the unfinished business, the packing, the move, the good-byes, the leap, the blank pages, the rainy mornings, the gray skies, the wet air, the refreshing cold, the tiny dorm rooms, the life in the city, the costlier habits, the vintage clothing, the ethnic food, the more expensive cigarettes,  the house parties, the absence of guidelines, the assumed maturity, the same mistakes, the growing up, the finding of footing, the ordering of ducks, the never getting it quite right,  the new years resolutions, the repeats, the attempts, the trials, the tribulations, the getting it right once in a while- once in a thousand times it’s interesting.

2010: What do you have to lose?